Grandma

So my plan to start a healthy life has not been going well. Since Wednesday, the day I wrote about turning it all around, I have done nothing but eat.

But I am about to make a huge excuse for my BAD behavior. I tend to turn to food and vegetation when I am sad or going through a tough time in my life. It is a family trait. We eat to help mask our problems. For some awful reason, food truly makes me feel better….in the moment. Afterward I am a guilty, blubbering mess. But in the moment, man food is so GOOD!

So here is the reason I have turned to food once again. My grandma is sick. We found out about two months ago that she has lung cancer. At first we thought everything was going to be fine. She was going to take this magic pill that would help the cancer and she would get better. But it hasn’t worked out that way.

Although she is 91 she has always been as sharp as a tack. Her whole life she has exercised and been in great shape and she could definitely hold her end of a conversation. She has even been driving a car…at 91! But in the past couple of weeks her mind has been all jumbled and confused.

My parents brought her home to stay with them since we all believed she was incapable of taking care of herself anymore. Well, that just made her more confused and quite frankly, pissed off. I think she thought she was in a hostage situation. The moment she was near a phone she tried to call her house. Well, she couldn’t remember the number so my sister dialed it for her. We knew no one was home to answer the phone but we were curious to see who she was trying to get a hold of. As soon as her answering machine picked up she proceeded to say into the receiver, “Come get me. I want to go home.” When we asked her who she was talking to, she had no clue. All she knew was that she wanted to go home.

This is such a difficult thing for me to witness. I have been incredibly close to my grandma all my life. I could tell you a million stories to convince you of how wonderful she is, but my words would not do her justice. I love her with all my heart and it is a terribly time for the whole family.

So my diet may have to be put on hold for a little while and many trips to the bakery may occur. My 20 lb goal may turn to 30 in the next couple of weeks.