Grandma

So my plan to start a healthy life has not been going well. Since Wednesday, the day I wrote about turning it all around, I have done nothing but eat.

But I am about to make a huge excuse for my BAD behavior. I tend to turn to food and vegetation when I am sad or going through a tough time in my life. It is a family trait. We eat to help mask our problems. For some awful reason, food truly makes me feel better….in the moment. Afterward I am a guilty, blubbering mess. But in the moment, man food is so GOOD!

So here is the reason I have turned to food once again. My grandma is sick. We found out about two months ago that she has lung cancer. At first we thought everything was going to be fine. She was going to take this magic pill that would help the cancer and she would get better. But it hasn’t worked out that way.

Although she is 91 she has always been as sharp as a tack. Her whole life she has exercised and been in great shape and she could definitely hold her end of a conversation. She has even been driving a car…at 91! But in the past couple of weeks her mind has been all jumbled and confused.

My parents brought her home to stay with them since we all believed she was incapable of taking care of herself anymore. Well, that just made her more confused and quite frankly, pissed off. I think she thought she was in a hostage situation. The moment she was near a phone she tried to call her house. Well, she couldn’t remember the number so my sister dialed it for her. We knew no one was home to answer the phone but we were curious to see who she was trying to get a hold of. As soon as her answering machine picked up she proceeded to say into the receiver, “Come get me. I want to go home.” When we asked her who she was talking to, she had no clue. All she knew was that she wanted to go home.

This is such a difficult thing for me to witness. I have been incredibly close to my grandma all my life. I could tell you a million stories to convince you of how wonderful she is, but my words would not do her justice. I love her with all my heart and it is a terribly time for the whole family.

So my diet may have to be put on hold for a little while and many trips to the bakery may occur. My 20 lb goal may turn to 30 in the next couple of weeks.

She's Got Talent

This afternoon Gar and Mae sat on the coffee table stacking her fake condiment bottles. At first Gar was doing the stacking and she was doing the knocking down. But then all of a sudden she started piling them up one by one and by golly she got them to stay in place...for a few seconds before they fell. What talent?

Mother of the Year?

I let her stand too close to the tv
(I hope she doesn't go cross-eyed)

She eats cupcakes even though she hardly ate any dinner!

And I am teaching her to gamble.....with her toes!



I may not be winning Mother of the Year, but she seems pretty darn happy.

Could It Be That Time Already...Terribe Twos

Over the weekend I thought for sure Mae had reached her terrible two’s three months early. She threw about 100 tantrums on Saturday. The worst part of it all was that we were at a party for my work in Fallbrook. All my coworkers and their significant others were there.

Now Mae is a pretty independent child who loves a crowd and entertainment. Well, at the party she wanted to do what she wanted, go where she wanted, and eat what she wanted. If Gar (my husband) or I messed with her program, she felt the need to scream like a banshee and throw herself on the ground. You can imagine my embarrassment when everyone was looking at my child throwing a tantrum every two seconds.

And we were literally trapped at this party. We were the first ones there and EVERYONE parked behind us. So if we wanted to leave we would have to round up about 10 car owners and have them move down the drive. So we did not get to leave until after dinner, which was not until 9pm. And by the way, who eats at 8:30 at night. I will tell you who…..people who do NOT have small children.

Back to the point of my story. I thought we hit the terrible two’s. But the past two nights Mae has been an angel, back to her old self. Giggly, cuddly, and FUN! Thank goodness. Maybe she was just having an off day. We are all entitled to that.

Plus Fallbrook was about a hundred degrees with NO shade, there were bees flying around everywhere, and Mom and Dad were messing with her program (mostly so she didn’t fall down the very steep cliff in the backyard…definitely not a kid friendly house!)

Man is it F*#%^^%ing hot out here in BFE!

It has been almost 21 months since I had Mae. And the last 20 pregnancy pounds have stubbornly remained. I know it is my fault that they have not melted off. I blame it on the ice cream, second helpings of every meal, and the sedentary lifestyle I have adopted. I could attribute these bad habits to having a 21 month old or working full time, but I truly know that I am solely at fault. There is plenty of time for a walk outdoors and cooking healthy foods instead of fast food.

Starting this minute, I am going to try and embrace a new me. A me who eats fresh fruits and vegetables and exercises. I don’t want to do it just for me and for various vanity reasons. I want to do it for Mae. I want her to have a mother she is proud of: one that shows her a shining example of how a healthy person should be.

Now the problem lies is the fact that every time I decide to get healthy, I never stick with it. It is a running joke with my sister and I that each Monday I start off great and by Wednesday I fall off the wagon. Now she is an example to all dieters. She has been following the Lindora food plan and she has lost a bunch of weight. She looks and feels great.

How am I going to get motivated? The reason for today’s blog is to hold myself accountable. I know there is possibly no readers out there, yet, but if by chance there is or will be, maybe this knowledge will keep me going on my task to lose 20 pounds.

One of my favorite quotes from a movie is, “every minute is a new chance to turn it all around.” Does anyone know what movie it is from? Anyway, I am going to try and run this advice through my head each time a sweet craving or fast food craving consumes me.

I will be reporting on my progress as much as I can. I promise to let you know the minute I give up…..because it is inevitable. Wait, wait wait! I can't be negative. I will SUCCEED!!

August 20, 2007-----133 pounds

Goal weight: 110

We're Moving!

Right now my husband, Mae and I live in this humble two bedroom townhouse. It is the only home we have all lived in together. Mae was born and four days later she came home to this sweet little place. It is home. All 1230 square feet of it. It is cozy and homey and everyone loves to hang out here because of these characterisitcs. But it is just too small. We eventually want to have another baby and there is no way we could squeeze all of Mae's toys and the new baby's things in this place. So it is time to move. (Not that we are planning another baby any time soon)

We have this amazing opportunity to buy my husband's childhood home. It sounds weird that we will be raising our children in the house he grew up in. But this house holds so many amazing memories. I fell madly in love with my husband there. All my young memories of the two of us take place at this house.

If all works out, we should be in by late September or early October. I can't help but be excited. My mind is constantly wandering to thoughts of this house; how will we decorate it to make it our own, how cool it will be to be down the street from my parents and sister, the parties that we will have, etc. Even though I am so thrilled I can't help but be a bit nervous. Until the day we turn the key and open the door, I will be a wreck thinking it is going to fall through. Cross your fingers for us.

PS-Someone told me moving is one of the top three most stressful events in your life. What am I in for?

Swap Meet, Never Again

Today my parents and I took Mae to the swap meet. I have been wanting to redecorate Mae’s room in Hawaiian surf theme and I heard they had some vendors who sold bedding and wall décor for a great price. Perfect, I thought. We could walk around leisurely; find the things I needed, maybe have a sinful Churro, and head home happy as a clam.

But Mae, AKA Cranky Pants, had a completely different idea of how the day should go. She did NOT want to sit in her stroller, she did not want to shop, and she did not even want an ice cream cone. She decided she would cry up and down all the aisles while all the other parents with their perfectly behaved children walked by and scoffed at the mother with the out-of-control kid. How embarrassing!

My poor parents tried everything to make her happy. They bought her an ice cream cone. My mom tried to hold her, but she wanted her freedom to run as she pleased. Finally, my dad bought her a kid sized baby stroller so she could walk next to us. That seemed to do the trick. Although, I think the other shoppers were quite annoyed when she recklessly ran into their ankles. Hey, but she was happy…..and quiet. For a while….until we made her get back in her own stroller.

The day ended in much disappointment. The only thing we ended up buying were a couple of hair bows, a baby stroller, and three ice cream cones. I did find some cute Hawaiian decorations but they weren’t cheap. Nothing was cheap. Even cheesy sundresses were like $34. I thought you could buy like a Jacuzzi for a dollar at the swap meet. What a bust. Next time, Mae stays home with Daddy, and I go for a Margarita…NO MORE SWAP MEETS!

Karma

Karma. So I am NOT completely sure I believe in it, but I am fully scared of NOT following the rules of it. I fear that if I am mean to someone, then at some point I will be on the receiving end of meanness, etc. At times my actions are based on karma.

An incident came up tonight, which others before me have mentioned(Kristen). I was shopping at Target with Mae in her stroller (because the carts are just way too disgusting). I packed the stroller basket to the top and ran out of room. So I put a couple of items under the sun shade. When I got up to the counter I emptied the entire stroller basket, paid for the load, and walked out to my car. As I reached the car door, I realized I forgot to remove the items from under the shade.

At first, I shrugged it off and began transferring the purchased items into the backseat. I was going to load Mae into the car and drive home a thief. I mean, really the items that were stolen were merely two plug-in air fresheners that were on the sale rack. Together they were probably a total of $4. Would Target really go out of business? No, of course not. But then, that word karma flashed through my thoughts. What if I stole two measly air fresheners, yet when karma came back to bite me in the butt it was 100 times worse.

So what did I do? Did I get in my car and drive home with a guilty conscience? No! I am such a chicken shit. I walked back into the store, pretended I forgot a few items, and paid for the air fresheners.

Damn karma!